Death Goes to Motorhead

12.24.09

The band were leaving the stage to loud applause from the crowd as Death walked unseen into the venue. He checked his diary: 11:03pm, Tony Evans, goatee beard, tattoos on forearms, black leather trousers and a Motorhead t-shirt. Death sighed; locating his latest charge in this crowd could take some time and it was already 11:02:49. Then he spotted a commotion near the bar: a body lay on the floor and two men were trying to resuscitate it while a third ran to get help. A soul hovered over the body, looking confused. Death berated himself for not being there in time to greet it. He rushed to the soul, knowing he’d never hear the end of it from the Big Man if he got there after the paramedics.

“Mr Evans, how do you do? You are to come with me”, he said to the soul.
“Oh come on! Now? Couldn’t you have waited till after the Encore?” exclaimed Tony Evans.
“I’m afraid I am not the one who devises the schedule, Mr Evans, I merely see to its timely execution. Now please, come this way”.
“But they haven’t played Ace of Spades yet”.
“They haven’t?” said Death, trying to conceal his excitement.
“No. Nor Killed By Death”, Tony Evans added slyly, sensing weakness.
“Oh. Oh well, in that case, perhaps we can stay a little longer”.
The band stormed back onto the stage and the crowd cheered as the familiar riff hit the air, and Death remembered what it was like to have a pulse.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, December 24th, 2009 at 1:26 PM and is filed under Fiction. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

25 Responses to “Death Goes to Motorhead”

  1. mazzz_in_Leeds says on December 24th, 2009 at 1:29 PM :

    Merry Christmas everyone!

  2. Laura Eno says on December 24th, 2009 at 1:38 PM :

    Ha! Death is into music. Great one, Maria! Merry Christmas to you as well.

  3. Marisa Birns says on December 24th, 2009 at 1:42 PM :

    Never thought I'd laugh over a story about death, but this was wonderfully humorous!

    Merry Christmas!

  4. Carrie says on December 24th, 2009 at 1:42 PM :

    Death is like "F YEAH!" [throws up the sign, bones rattle] Heehee. Death is a fun guy according to us. 😛

  5. Sulci Collective says on December 24th, 2009 at 1:49 PM :

    Hilarious! They say the Devil has all the best tunes… which leaves just Motorhead for Death!

    "Death sighed; locating his latest charge in this crowd could take some time" – Reminds me of a gig I went to with The Fall & The Birthday Party – half the audience looked like Mark E Smith and the other half like Nick Cave and all the conversations were slagging off the sheep who looked like the other one than they did!

    Happy Days

    Festive greets

    marc nash

  6. Julie (Okami) says on December 24th, 2009 at 3:31 PM :

    ROFLMAO!!

  7. Anne Tyler Lord says on December 24th, 2009 at 3:54 PM :

    Oh Yeah, that was a great twist! I love the fact that Death has other interests! And, how perfect that it is music! We always knew the universal language also connected us to something deep inside of us. It's fun to think of Death having that inner connection, too! Not so scary now.

    Very fun!

    Happy Holidays to you!

  8. Deanna Schrayer says on December 24th, 2009 at 4:28 PM :

    Fun read Mazzz! I love the play on words with "…see to its timely execution." Perfect!
    Merry Christmas!

  9. Eric J. Krause says on December 24th, 2009 at 5:46 PM :

    That was great! Yeah, Death made the right choice in staying. How could you go to a Motorhead show and not stay for Ace of Spades and Killed by Death?

    Merry Christmas!

  10. Anton Gully says on December 24th, 2009 at 6:34 PM :

    You enjoyed that Motorhead gig you went to a couple of weeks ago then?

    – Anton "Stone 'Deaf' Forever" Gully.

  11. Weezel says on December 25th, 2009 at 12:31 AM :

    I suppose it's a little twisted to enjoy reading about death, but I loved it! Bravo!
    Musically themed death, what more could you ask for?

  12. Sam says on December 25th, 2009 at 10:31 AM :

    Death+Heavy Metal music=Win! Wonderful! 🙂

  13. elizabethditty says on December 25th, 2009 at 4:55 PM :

    Aw, this was strangely sweet! 🙂 Funny stuff, too. I especially like the very last line. Thanks for sharing it, and Merry Christmas, too!

  14. Kim Batchelor says on December 26th, 2009 at 12:05 AM :

    This is great, so funny and unexpected in what seems at first to be a grim story. I would cut "exclaimed Tony Evans" as we know he's the hovering soul as it distracts a bit. Otherwise, very imaginative and great writing, Mazz.

  15. Al Bruno III says on December 26th, 2009 at 5:06 AM :

    Very nice. Were you inspired by the fact Lemmy turned 64 this week?

  16. Tony Noland says on December 26th, 2009 at 12:50 PM :

    I can just picture a bony hand reaching from under the cloak to flick a lighter – terrific!

  17. ganymeder says on December 26th, 2009 at 3:01 PM :

    Awwww,Death has a weakness for Heavy Metal… Who knew?

    Thanks! Loved this.

  18. livloveslit says on December 26th, 2009 at 4:13 PM :

    Before I read your story I knew I'd like it from the title alone! This is so funny on so many levels. I especially liked:

    He rushed to the soul, knowing he'd never hear the end of it from the Big Man if he got there after the paramedics.

    Just precious! Merry Christmas, Maria, and thanks for sharing your writing! ~ Olivia

  19. peggy says on December 27th, 2009 at 2:24 PM :

    I loved the idea that death runs late and is a little unorganized. And a weakness for music. Great concept.

  20. Chris Chartrand says on December 27th, 2009 at 2:53 PM :

    Cool story. I always thought Lemmy was death anyway.

  21. MkCrittenden says on December 28th, 2009 at 4:10 AM :

    Well done.

  22. Tim Remp says on December 29th, 2009 at 6:01 PM :

    Funny story! I hope Death got a tee shirt 🙂

  23. richardgardner says on December 29th, 2009 at 8:17 PM :

    Hi Mazzz. Very funny. Made me laugh out loud at the end 🙂 Be nice if death was listening to a few motorhead songs before being politely escorted to pastures new.

    Rich

  24. ~Tim says on December 29th, 2009 at 8:51 PM :

    What a great little story! I'm still grinning.

  25. Ryan says on December 30th, 2009 at 4:36 PM :

    I love that Death was swayed by the fact that Ace of Spades hadn't been played :o)

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