Audience
02.26.10
We reach the double doors at the end of the long, grey corridor and the warden ushers us in with a sombre greeting. I want a good view of the proceedings, so I stride towards the front row of seats, my wife’s hand in mine. She pulls me back gently and I see she doesn’t want to get that close; we sit down in the second row and I put my arm around her shoulder. A few more people trickle in and quietly take their seats. No one sits in the front row and only one other person sits on the second row, as far away along from us as possible. Everyone stares straight ahead, not wanting to meet anyone’s eye. At last, after what seems like an age, the correctional officers bring in the monster and march him to the front of the room.
I look at him as he is being strapped to the big chair and he grins at me. My wife’s face goes pale as a sheet while my countenance darkens. I want to run up to him and execute him myself with my bare hands, but I already have my job cut out for me. I am cradling my little girl’s mother in my arms and I take on the force of her sobs as they pulse through me, in perfect tune with the vein throbbing in my temple.
To the back of the room I see the monster’s lawyer, the colour of his face matching that of his experience. I guess there was no point in assigning the case to anyone but a rookie; there could be no doubt, reasonable or otherwise, about the monster’s guilt. I am indifferent to the rookie, although he probably thinks otherwise; he has not visited my store since he took the case on, and mine is the only store in town that stocks his brand of cigarettes.
I turn to the end of our row of seats to look at the monster’s mother; she is of course facing straight ahead so as not to meet my gaze. She is looking at her son, an encouraging smile frozen on her face as silent tears roll down her cheeks. I wonder whether she feels relief as well as grief. The cancer has gripped hold of her and the doctor has given her just weeks to live. The monster would have to go to an institution then, and I for one am only too painfully aware of how hard she has tried to keep him out of one.
They should have put him away a couple of years ago, when he was found with those strangled puppies, wearing that grin on his face. They had wanted to – but she had fought tooth and nail against it. He can’t help it, she had said, he’s just backward. He needs his mother. She had said the same things when he had eviscerated that cow a year later, again with the same grin – the very grin that was on his face when he was found with my little girl. They should have put him away long before it got to that, but it’s too late now.
I catch the sheriff looking at me. He is unable to meet my eye and averts his gaze to the floor. He knows I assign some of the blame to him – he had sided with the monster’s mother after both previous incidents and had refused to consider him a danger. I can see from the dark rings under his eyes that he feels culpable and regrets that decision, but I am not bothered one way or the other.
In fact, I do not give a damn about the lawyer, or the sheriff, or the mother; to do so would dilute my anger by spreading it too thinly over too many guilty parties. Instead I fix my eyes on the monster and let forth a feeling of hatred the like of which I never thought possible. A correctional officer places the hood over his head, but I can still see his face. It is imprinted on my mind, clearer now than even my little girl’s, and it is this above all else that makes my blood boil. It is the face of an idiot child on the head of a grown man, and it grins at me with a complete lack of comprehension – about what he has done, about what is about to happen.
He will meet his maker with no fear as he has no concept of evil; he is one of the true innocents, and maybe this means that I am the monster here and not he.
I don’t give a damn about that either. I just want to see the bastard fry.
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Tags: Electric Chair, execution, Father, Flash Fiction, fridayflash, Murder, Writing
Wowwww, nice. I could feel it all.
Very good – well done. Difficult subject matter but handled perfectly. Excellent imagery and very emotional. Loved it especially the last couple of lines – want to see the bastard fry 🙂
Revenge – a powerful drug indeed. Tricky, sensitive subject – and of course well executed, Mazzz. (sorry about that!)
Simon.
Fantastic last six lines which just undercuts the self-righteous sympathy the reader feels with the narrator all the way through up to this point. That is an astounding trick to pull off – well done, excellent
Very cold, Maria, and very real. Regardless of how it would play out in a perfect world filled with forgiveness and mutual understanding and reconciliation, in the real world, seeing the bastard fry is the be all and end all of many a victim’s life.
Well done.
chilling and calculating, just like the scene described. acrimony is so hollow, you’ve captured it very convincingly.
Wow, what a powerful story. That monstrous human desire for revenge is frightening. So sad.
As others have said, well done. Difficult subject matter, vivid imagery, powerful revenge.
That was terrific, affecting and powerful.
You should be in print- you should be doing this for a living.
(fanboy gushing over now)
Not an easy subject or POV to tackle, and you did it well. Like they (almost) say: All’s well that ends.
Yes, as Simon said, “well executed.”
Wow. Heard an NPR interview with a lawyer who defends death row criminals a couple of weeks ago, and he talked about people who are purely evil. This puts a nice twist on that.
CD
Yep. It won’t fix anything but it is Step One.
I don’t blame him.
What Marc Nash said! Total sympathy flip. Astounding.
You could ditch this bit, I think; “and maybe this means that I am the monster here and not he.”
Redundant, you made the point with the last line.
Really disturbing and honest. You’ve made the father’s voice so very clear, it’s a perfect nexus for the details of the story. I like his lack of self-delusion. Nicely written.
Well done, the whole scene was very lively in my imagination.
Since it is not stated explicitly in which state/country the execution takes place, there is no point debating whether a person with a mental illness/disorder would be sentenced to death, but you perfectly capture how the father concentrates on revenge and forgets to grieve, losing the memory of his beloved daughter.
Thanks all!
Anton – grr, that last couple of sentences caused me no end fo grief. I agree that bit is not needed.
Diandra – yes, I purposely didn’t state when this is happening, either. It’s not that long ago when in certain US states it wasperfectly legal to sentence a mentally handicapped person to death
Revenge is a powerful weapon. *nods*
Very powerful and evocative. Excellent work!
Really well done. You had me experiencing a range of emotions.
An amazing read! Such a hard subject to write about, and you mastered it here powerfully.
A very human tale. I liked the narrator’s self-awareness.
This brought back the same powerful emotions as when I read Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men. Instead of letting him off easy, though…you gave the victims their revenge. Which oddly enough, still left me with more sympathy for the killer than I would like to have as a parent. Very thought provoking! And excellent writing, as always.
One nit pic:
“At last, after what seems like an age” may be better as “seems like ages”
As everyone else has said Maria, this is Powerful! What I don’t see mentioned (in comments) is the monster’s mother – that detail lends more emotion to the story than any other, in my opinion.
Very well written!
Very powerful story. Very sad all the way around, in every detail. Great job on this.
This is great Mazz. Really chilling, and captures the dehumanising nature of the death penalty, without making us judge anyone. I wonder what the father will do once the killer has died?
PS And unfortunately, people with learning disabilities and mental health issues still get the death penalty in the States, so this issue hasn’t gone away…
This is the work of a master. You portray all sides so very well. Let the bastard fry. Truly amazing piece.
Interesting attempt to flip the monster paradigm at the end. I certainly don’t think our observer is a monster; monsters become such through actions, not thoughts. Now if the observer gets to throw the switch… well, I’d like to read those thoughts.
Wow Mazz, this must have been emotionally draining for you to write. I mean the way you got into the character. It sticks with you as the reader. So ultimately sad.
I just read about a serial killer in California who has been killing women for years, and then getting off with light sentences so he was right back on the streets killing again. I could picture his head under the hood, although he wasn’t as your character is, an innocent. I am not sure frying is good enough for someone who repeatedly kills.
Very real. I love the flip at the end, because it brings out all the conflicting thoughts and emotions. Raises questions about how and why we punish and intention versus action (and consequences of actions, the damage done). These are real in every situation of violence. I like “and maybe this means that I am the monster here and not he.” Redundancy can have a point. In the father’s and the reader’s mind. Excellent.
Chilling and well written, you convey the emotions of the bereaved parent very convincingly whilst also stirring up conflicted feelings in the reader as they consider the ethical issues of
the situation. Reading this made me feel glad to live in the UK….
Powerful stuff. It left me with the sense that the monster had created another monster, but one who was more culpable; the killer may be less responsible for the killing than the father is for the hatred and desire for the killer’s death. This is not a story of redemption. If anything, it makes you wish for its opposite, in almost every way. Come to think of it, the ideal world is the exact opposite of this one: no mental handicap, no error by the mom, no error by the cop, no dead girl, no hateful father, no execution.
If I can offer a minor criticism, I was taken out of the story a bit by the lawyer’s description: “the colour of his face matching that of his experience.” At first I was thinking White, black, yellow, red? Is he experienced with really terrible people, so his experience is black, so he’s black? Is this supposed to be a characterization of a bigot? As soon as I read the next sentence, of course, it was obvious. I suggest trying getting the rookie idea out first, and then the “colour of his experience” idea, so that I’m experiencing the idea rather than having to suss it out and mentally backtrack.
Similarly, it might be good to get across the fact that it’s an execution right away. I wasn’t sure if it was a parole hearing or something of that sort at first.
Just thoughts, of course, offered in the hope that they may be useful and that they don’t overshadow my kudos for a very good story.
Awesome story, Mazz, awesome! To hell with all the treaties for peace and forgiveness… if someone killed my child I’d want them fried as well.
So well written that I finished it with anger.
I am reminded of the quote, “Hate destroys the vessel that holds it.” Very good work here.
That penultimate paragraph – whew! I’m as angry as the father. Lots of emotion welled up in me, hit my tender nerve… One of your best, Mazz. Peace, Linda
Yikes. A tough subject handled very well. I’m wondering whether your protag needed to brand him as ‘monster’. The whole piece paints him as mentally disabled – so I’m not sure he is a monster. However, you’re trying to underscore the father’s vitriol, and I can’t think of another word/way to describe the murderer, so maybe I’ll just shut up now!
@ Lily – yes, I should perhaps stress that the opinions expressed herein are the MC’s and not my own 🙂
@ Jake Freivald – wow, that’s the biggest comment I’ve ever had, thanks!
Criticism very much welcomed. I had dithered a bit about the lawyer’s greenness, but then I got lost in trying to make the end of the story work (it gave me all sorts of trouble!) and forgot about the beginning. So another lesson learned!
I’m not sure I agree with your other suggestion, I think it leads into the mention of the electric chair quickly enough (first line of second paragraph). Any sooner might be a bit info-dumpish, maybe? Curious to see what others think.
Thanks to all for reading and commenting!
OH wow – well written!!!!!!!!
This is an amazing piece full of intense emotions. I agree – it is very disturbing in so many ways. You handled it very well.
I must admit that when I first started reading it, I thought the monster was an actual creature monster, based on some of your other stories, but it was clear very quickly. Could have made a nice scifi with it too.
You never cease to amaze!
You’ve written a very engrossing flash here. I feel for the father, both sorrow and disgust when he begins, momentarily, to reevaluate this decision.
Damn good liar you are. 🙂 There’s an award for you at my blog. http://windspirit-girl.livejournal.com/21170.html
Brutally beautiful. For personal reasons, very hard to read, particularly the ending – but testimony to how well it was written. Well done indeed.
Take care,
Jess
Very real, very powerful…so where’s that novel then? 🙂
So sad.
Yes, even as this reader asks, ‘who are the true monsters?’ he knows that in a situation like this he’d feel just like the father. Powerfully written.
Wow – impressive story and extremely thought-provoking.
Well then, here is a good writer. I’m well impressed by your words, ms Mazzzin Leeds.
Yeouch, very intense.
Using the present tense was a good approach for this one. It really sucked you into the moment.
Powerful stuff.