Sentinel 87
07.08.10
The child must die. You have been appointed to kill it.
The words echoed in his head as he ran through the forest to where he held the woman captive. The kidnapping had been neither easy nor well performed, but for now only the end result mattered. She was his prisoner, and would remain so until after she died in childbirth — no woman had ever carried to term such progeny and lived.
He stopped to catch his breath and ease the stitch in his side. He reached into his backpack and felt around in the bottom of the bag for the knife, as he did at regular intervals, to reassure himself that it was still there. If it were to go missing, all would be lost and evil would be born into the world.
He set off again at pace and thought back to how he had joined the Sentinels. He had been a journalist then, researching religious cults, with an emphasis on those with sinister undertones. He got himself into trouble a few times, was warned to keep away on many others, but that didn’t deter him. Resourceful and ambitious, he did not let the various threats stop him from putting together an impressive dossier. It could result in a best-selling book, he had thought. Maybe even an award. Both things seemed very unimportant now.
He had stumbled across the Sentinels almost by accident. While searching through the archives of a local newspaper for articles on deaths associated with a certain cult, a headline had caught his eye: Nine Dead Infants, Nine Frozen Mothers. His interest was piqued and he went on to read about nine seemingly unrelated and yet identical double murders. In each case a baby had been found with its throat slit, ear to ear, and its mother laid next to it, face locked in a scream. The cases had been so geographically disparate that no one had connected them until this small-town journalist had placed them all together. He looked up information on this hitherto unknown colleague only to be greeted by the news that the man had been missing since shortly after the publication of the article. He decided to take some time off from his research, which had turned a little stale, and find this journalist.
He had left no stone unturned and managed to find the man. For his troubles, he found himself held hostage by the organisation that was responsible for the atrocious acts. He had been shocked to hear that the missing journalist, now known as Sentinel 86, had joined the group willingly.
“You realise we cannot simply let you go,” 86 had told him. “You must either agree to join us out of a genuine belief for our cause, or we will have to kill you. We will keep you here until such a time as you can experience what we do, and make your mind up for yourself.”
They treated him well, and while he made a few half-hearted attempts at escaping they were just for show. To be able to get an insider view of a bona fide murdering cult was a bigger break than he had ever dreamed of when he started his research. They tried to brainwash him daily, and he spent his hours in solitude committing what he’d heard to memory. They spoke of the Dark Dimensions, the home of Evil itself, closed off from the human Dimension. They spoke of how, sometimes, Evil manages to seep through; of how it can only survive in the human world if it takes hold of an unformed soul in an unformed body — a foetus.
“We monitor the Portals to be aware of such breaches of Evil into our world, but we cannot be sure until the day the infant is born. It will kill its mother, taking from her all her life force as it enters the world, and then it is brought up as one of our own by humans who do not realise there is a cuckoo in the nest.” 86 lit a cigarette and stared into the distance.
“This is ridiculous — you can’t expect me to believe this nonsense!”
86 took a deep drag of smoke and looked him in the eye.
“Such an infant is due to be born today. We shall take you along to the killing where you will see for yourself, and make up your own mind.”
He had protested, he had pleaded with them not to force him to witness such atrocity, but to no avail. That evening, feeling sick to his core, he had stood two feet away from the screaming woman. The labour pains and her determination to give birth had taken over from her terror at being held hostage; he found himself a little comforted by this for her sake. Then her ordeal was over as a final push expelled the child from her womb and her head rolled to one side, frozen lifeless into an expression of pain. He wanted to turn away, to at least miss what was going to happen next, but his gaze defied him and locked itself onto the infant.
He had watched as the Sentinel stooped over the child with an odd looking knife in his hand, its dull gleam like no other he had seen. He started to scream when 86 put the knife against the newborn’s throat, but then stopped as he saw its effect on the infant. Its eyes turned yellow and it let out deep screams that couldn’t possibly come from a newborn child. 86 slit its throat; thick black steam rose from the gushing blood, and even before the creature’s screams had died with it, Sentinel 87 had been born.
He ran faster now to the hideout where they were keeping the woman, empowered by these memories. It was the first case he had been appointed; he was determined that Evil should not find a way through on his watch.
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Tags: Cult, Dark Dimensions, Evil, Flash Fiction, fridayflash, Horror, Writing
While writing this, it occurred to me that it might work better as a longer story. More background on the “cult”, for starters… and perhaps a lot more emphasis on Evil. A more complex ending as well maybe.
Your thoughts and comments are always appreciated!
I think you conveyed very well the nature of the cult and you gave good hints of what evil could be, but if you feel a longer story is in order, I say it’s a novel with lot’s of suspense and some horror! I’d love to read the expanded version. 🙂
It could certainly work as a longer piece, but even this gives me the shivers. For whatever reason, the use of the mother/child duality is always creepy and sinister. And the description is appropriately graphic.
Chilling, indeed! As Mari said, this could easily be a novel!
It definitely stands alone as a very good tale. Captures the attention and keeps one riveted in the unfolding of the story.
Brilliant how you said that the death of evil brought the birth of Sentinel 87 at same moment.
I can also see it as part of a novel. You have a very good idea here. Kudos!
Great story! I loved how the reality of the evil was presented.
Wow such a great twist on the cult story, from the POV of someone convinced of it. Very sinister indeed.
Very cool story. Loved how Sentinel 87 was “born.” Great voice in this one.
Hmmm, what a cheerful slice of baby killing for a Friday morning! As ever you have created a captivating dark and disturbing world – like you suggested I think this could work well in a longer form – could imagine it as a serial showing how the protagonist became involved in the group and exploring their motivations further.
I think you could definitely turn it into something longer, in which you could muse on both cults (what makes ‘intelligent, normally middle-class people join them) – here in this case the exact nature of the pseudo religious good V evil thing, plus a meditation on just what evil is.
I like the way you have his ‘cult’ of the investigative journalist initially keep him immune from the attractions of the Sentinel cult, cos they are one and the same really – a monomania, a fixity of mind.
Great disturbing stuff. Always intrigued when a woman writes of mother-child dystopia
Marc Nash
Yup, this could definitely be a novel. The story’s there and this character who’s born as Sentinel 87 is more than interesting enough to take me much further. But I think what’s MOST interesting about this is how you start with something absolutely unthinkable, and make us believe it. You bring us with your character to believing that the murders are the right thing to do. And in a shorter piece that’s just the perfect twist.
I really enjoyed this and I think it works well as a stand-alone story, though I too would love to read a longer version. I could see this as a novel – I like the premise, and the execution (pun intended).
I’d say yes on the longer story. I almost did the same thing. The character would not shut up and I finally shelved the idea for one of those miraculous afternoons where I have time. Lots of info crammed in here. your descriptions are dead on. Great world building. You’re the best.
I actually had my hand over my own mouth at one point – described brilliantly and horrifically at the same time – good piece
While I think this would work really well as a longer story, I’m a big fan of fitting a lot into a little. Just enough detail and sharp writing make this a standout story.
Wow Maria, you are so GOOD! This is just the right amount of chilling, perfect.
Yes, I’d love to see a longer version too. Hop to it! 🙂
(Waits in line to get signed copy of novel)
But this is dastardly perfection just the way it is, too.
Excellent, hair-raising story. It’s also quite visual, so when you write the novel, be sure to adapt as a screenplay, as well. No, I’m not kidding. 🙂
Love it.
Brilliant and chilling! Well-written, harrowing pace, and a backstory which held me rapt. Fantastic piece! I loved it.
Evil shall not escape his sight! Like Marc, I think you could turn this into something longer, but that goes for most of your flashes. It often feels like they’re snatches or summaries of whole novels you have floating in your head.
Gawd, the was scary!
Very chilling story.
Nice to hear from you again Mazzz. Dark, scary tale. Like others I think the birth of Sentinel 87 was genius.
Great opening. This was a thriller from beginning to end. You could definitely spin it out longer, perhaps even a novella — so much context to flesh out. Brilliant stuff, Mazz. Peace…
Great story. Love how you make the evil feel so real.
I think you have material for something more fully developed. You’ve created a set of characters that could stand full fleshing-out.
The flash piece is tightly written and gets all the structure of the story in place. I just want more! 🙂
Very well done.
What a chilling story. I really enjoyed it though, and I agree with you that it could be expanded. I would love to read a longer version. Well done.
Yes, I agree with the others that it could definitely be further developed. This feels like one episode. Like the journalist, the area of cults is one I find fascinating. What was really good about the story is how you showed that the reasons for our actions are often situational and circumstantial. You brought us from abhorrence and revulsion to a kind of acceptance along with the journalist. For me that moment was when ‘it’s eyes turned yellow’. So scary and so real how ordinary people can come to accept awful things. Really good.
You’re bang on with your opening remark, Mazz. It’s a really compelling read, but at times I wanted to know more and I could tell that you wanted to squeeze certain information in there. A good read but could really be expanded to 5000 words to include more background and description. I liked it.
This stands on its own, but would also work as a larger story. I think you should definitely do something with this and see where it goes.
I think if this were going to stand on its own, it should have showed what happened to him in his particular case rather than what happened to bring him into the cult. Ergo, I think this is a longer story! Get writing the rest. I want to see what goes wrong and how.
Only you could write a story where killing a baby turns out to be a good thing. bravo. Very creative.
I agree. It could be longer. I had a lot of questions while I was reading.
But it was intense and creepy–compelling. One of the best reads this week.
🙂
You made my flesh crawl as usual! Congratulations…always a pleasure. That was pure evil!
Pretty damn chilling… This could be a movie.
I would most certainly be up for reading an expanded version of this story with additional background on the cult and the evil they fight, but I think this story is excellent as it is. It draws you right into the action.
Well done
This is a mere taste. I’d like to know the rest of the story—as much as you do. I love the idea of numbered sentinals, the mother/child thing and the relentless evil.
So would you? could you? dare you?
More, please.
The pace and detail level of the first two paragraphs are terrific, Mazzz. There’s a wealth of great material throughout, more than you need, it seems to me. I think this can be short. Instead of the lengthy exposition, personally, I’d like to see a first person narrator who doesn’t try to explain everything, just lets slip the tantalizing details that horrify and intrigue. The more we have to imagine, the better, as long as you’re fair about what he discloses and what he withholds.
Great story, and as you said in your first comment this could certainly be expanded but works really well as a short story.
I always love reading your work because so much care and attention goes into crafting a plot, and coming up with plausible dialogue. The characterisation is also awesome here, and yes, I’ve love to see this as a longer piece! Maybe a #TuesdaySerial?
Great job, as always! I liked how you kept the reader questioning whether the cult was crazy or really on to something until the end.
CD
While your descriptive abilities are solid, this isn’t really a story. A man witnesses pure evil (clearly, apparently, as no evidence exists to suggest he is delusional), and he immediately realizes he is willing to fight it. This seems like a rational and predictable reaction. It is not surprising or enlightening. There’s no sacrifice. No reason for remorse or even second thoughts.
Again, the images are strong (slitting babies throats, mothers in horrible death grimaces, a mysterious evil leaking into the world), and I WANT there to be something–you do too, which is why I believe you sense it needs to be longer–but it doesn’t exist yet. Take this cool setting you’ve created and use it.
Show me something.
Very well done. While this stands alone very well, as the core of a novel (or perhaps the ending?) it would do very well. Novels pay far better than short stories anyway.
Please don’t abandon this work here. It shows great promise and so do you.
Way late to the party here but really liked this one. While you could extended it to a full-length story (as suggested 🙂 and I would be happy to read it, I think part of the power of this piece is in its brevity. How *quickly* 87 is won over — short in words while not in power or effect.